Yearly Check-In

Dear Huffdaddy,

Wow, it's been six years!  Six years of yearly updates which I'm sure you already know about, but it helps.  This year, I'm going to add to the letter and mention things I've been wondering about.

Things I wonder about...
* I wonder is your situation in Heaven like in the movie, "Heaven Can Wait" where you know where and what you were taken away from.  Do you ever get angry about that? I know that I do, get angry I mean.  And I don't mean angry for what I lost, but for what the kids lost.  It's been six years, and sometime the anger at that is so enormous and overwhelming that it's hard to figure out what to do about it.  There's nothing to lash out at because Leukemia isn't a solid, concrete object.  Or, is Heaven like what I've heard and it's so peaceful that you don't miss what was left?  I wonder about that sometimes.

*Another thing I wonder is, did you surprise Grandma Fincannon showing up on her birthday?  Silly, I know, but did you?

Update on the kids...
*Jack - Wow, has he grown! He's grown vertically, of course thanks to you.  He's now 6'2", and he's intimidating.  He also took his coach's words to heart and worked really hard to build his muscle and size before Spring Football.  He tried most of the sports offered through athletics.  He kinda liked wrestling, but not enough to try it again.  Then he moved on to powerlifting, and that was a hit.  I honestly believe that he'll do that again next year.  Spring brought on track, and they moved him to mainly shot-put.  I think he did okay. His farthest throw was 35', which is 34' farther than I could throw a mini cannonball.  Now we await Spring Football, with pads being handed out April 20thish.

He starts Driver's Education on Monday.  That's another milestone that makes me sad.  I remember him asking you if you'd be here to teach him how to drive.  I'm also sad, because that means he's growing up, and I'm going to have to trust that I've taught him well, and he'll be responsible. I've told you every year, that that's my fear.  That I won't have taught them well enough to succeed.  He's still trying to work hard for a scholarship so that we won't struggle to put him through school. He is trying out for Ramblers. That's funny to me.  I think you would've done it, but it's still funny to me.

Tim McGraw came out with a new song, "Humble and Kind" recently.  I know that you'd love it because a) it's Tim McGraw, and b) the message is a good one.  I've referenced it when trying to get Jack to understand that he's kind, but like most people needs to work on being humble (which for a teenage boy is nigh to impossible).  The examples in the song are quite appropriate and easy to explain.

His confidence has sky-rocketed since the shy, timid kid he was in elementary school.  It's refreshing to see, but we've had to work at getting to show him that some teachers won't see his witty sense of humor.  We've also had to talk about the "Common Denominator" in certain situations, and that sometimes it's his behavior or attitude that is the cause of what's going on.  I can't tell you the number of times that I've had to use the "If you aren't respecting the family, you're acting out of the family" speech.  At the heart of it, he's a great young man.  Typical teenager issues, but he's a good kid.  You'd be extremely proud.

*Caroline - Wow has she grown!  She's grown vertically as well. 5'9" as of last Monday, with a size 11.5 shoe.  That's thanks to you too, I'm sure.  She's been playing club volleyball this year, and flourishing.  Her asthma hasn't flared up, which helps out ALOT.  I particularly like the indoor, air conditioned atmosphere.  I've taught myself to knit so that I don't stress out about her games.  She's done a really great job learning, and because she's tall, and talented, she's been doing great.  She finally found her mad recently, and began spiking the ball with heat.  That made her feel good.

She took a chance recently and applied for the West Junior High Magnet.  You would've totally been behind her on that decision.  She drew a beautiful portrait and picture.  She was confident, and self-assured during the interview.  That was such a refreshing thing to watch. Moving her to Dartmouth, if only for the year, was the best choice I have ever made.  She was being pulled down and her personality was being destroyed at her home school, and it was painful to watch.  At Dartmouth, she blossomed, her sassy confidence came back, and she's been doing well academically.  She's finding her clothing style, and learning how to express her opinions in a politically-correct way.  I was plagued with doubts about whether or not to move her, but I know that you would've supported the decision.  After all, it was in her best interests.  By the way, she got accepted.  I was so proud of her for taking that chance, because even if she didn't get in, she would've tried.  She put herself out there, and I was so proud of her.

She's going to be confirmed at the end of April.  That's such a milestone.  She's super excited about joining the Youth group in the summer, and has even signed up for a couple of mission trips.    Jack still doesn't like to participate, but maybe when Caroline starts, he'll start too.

*This summer, she's going to go back to North Carolina to Marine Biology camp (Thanks to Aunt Kirsten).  This year's camp will be the surfing one.  Ha!  I'm so excited she's going to learn how to surf.  That's such a risk, and she's taking it!   We will drive out there to pick her up.  It'll be a nice family vacation.  We'll be back in time for Jack to go to his football camp in Ft. Worth.

She's growing into such a wonderful young lady, and I know you would be so proud of her.  She's plagued with the typical pre-teen insecurities, but overall she's working through them.

I've continued encouraging openness, regardless of how uncomfortable it is.  Jack continues to be open and honest about his questions.  He's considering getting a job, and has been looking at his options.  He knows that when he gets his car, he'll have to cover two tanks of gas a month. That's led us into the topic of budgeting, and figuring out how much he'll have to make during the summers to earn enough.  They've both learned about budgeting, and understand that Kevin and I can only support going out out to eat once or twice a month.  Periodically, I'll get the, "Hey mom.  Let's go to ______________.  I can cover it."

We've stopped the "Breakfast at Grammy and Pa's" tradition.  The kids grew into teenagers, and have thus begun to be interested in teenager things.  Their morning routines are that of teenagers (sleeping as last as they can before heading out of the house each day).  Jack wakes up like me in the mornings (he's up and awake and moving around within five minutes), while Caroline is like you, (Extremely slow to wake up and move around).  Kevin and I have been working with both kids to help them deal with each other in the mornings, and in the afternoons.  By the way, afternoon pick up is the EXACT OPPOSITE of the mornings.  In both instances, we just tell the kids to ignore each other until they're ready to talk nicely.

It makes me sad sometimes knowing that you have to watch all of this from Heaven.  That's another thing I wonder about.  Do you watch them from Heaven, kind of like a television show?    Or do you just check in sometimes?  Or is it like the movie, "What Dreams May Come?"  I hope not, because that would make me really sad thinking you can't see the kids grow.

By the way, thanks for bringing the challenges this morning.  It helped distract me.  Thanks also for sending our music teacher, Nora Woolpert into Caroline's life.  She wrote Caroline a sweet note today and gave it to her. The kids are doing okay this year. They know what today is, and they're sad.  They feel the hole that you left when you went away.  They feel it almost daily, without realizing it's there sometimes.  Kevin has helped continue your work at helping to raise the kids, and they listen to him.

I think that's it for this year.  Please check in with them sometimes, especially when your "Spidey Senses" detect the need.  It doesn't matter how old they are, they'll still feel you.

I love and miss you.

SM