One thing that I (and our entire village) have been trying to teach the kids is that they are multifaceted individuals. There is more to an individual that makes them who they are. Sometimes we can lose sight of that. Sometimes, we love something so much that when it's taken away due to circumstances beyond our control, it's difficult. But it is also a lesson in grieving.
For example, Jack has loved playing football. It's been his goal to be the best center he can possibly be. It didn't always start off that way. At first, he wanted to play defense. But someone else was always just a little bit better. During his seventh grade year, he just couldn't understand why he couldn't play defense. He had an opportunity to start when a player failed the six weeks. However, when the player became eligible again, Jack was put back on second string. First lesson about opportunity: If you don't like where things are going, make a change. Second lesson about opportunity: If some asks, "Would anyone like to try...", you say, "ME!". Give it a try, you never know. That happened during the first quarter of his eighth grade year. They needed a new center on his junior high team, so during practice they asked if anyone would like to try-out. Jack volunteered, and got the job. From that point on, it was his goal to be the best he could be.
Sometimes, however, it becomes everything. Jack was always a bit bigger than the others at school. Taller and stockier. He was bullied, made fun of, and as a result, felt like he didn't belong. He's a people person, just like his dad. He doesn't want to feel like he doesn't belong. So, when he found that he was good at football, and that the players began to respect him, he focused on that. Right or wrong, that's what happened. Regardless of what we told him, he always felt that he needed to succeed at football in order to be accepted. It became a driving force in his life, from junior high, to high school, to college. He needed to gain so much weight in order to play varsity? Okay. We helped him do it the healthy way. He learned to succeed in the face of adversity: He wasn't tall enough at 6'2" to play center at a Division I school. So he went Division II. He needed to learn to study to pass his classes. Eveything he we did during this time, was done in a way that helped him learn for the future: Set goals, eat healthy, live a healthy life-style, work hard, don't give up.
But then, 2020 happened. Jack learned that he was more than football, grief isn't just for losing a loved one, and looking beyond the here and now is important. Unfortunately, all of those lessons were learned at once.
Over the summer, Jack transferred to another university to finish his football career and schooling. He's known for quite some time that playing football beyond college isn't for him. He wants to be a math teacher in a high school and coach football players. One night, he turned over in his oh-so-comfortable dorm bed and felt a twinge in his back. He lost strength in his left arm and when he bent over at the waist, his legs were tingly. This set into motion a journey of grief and acceptance that had nothing to do with the loss of a family member or friend. This was the journey of losing something you felt defined you and was a big part of your life for so many years.
Jack initially worried that this would end his football career. He learned that until you have all of the facts, it doesn't do you any good to put the cart before the horse. We made appointments at the Texas Back Institute, he had an MRI, and X-ray, and learned that if a doctor doesn't call you back with results, you hound their office until they do.
While waiting for the results, we had to put things into perspective for Jack. In two years, he was going to have to think about what he wanted to do after football. Maybe God was putting him through this as an opportunity to start thinking so it didn't sneak up on him. One lesson was that this was going to be a grieving process. If the problem was what we thought it was, it would end his football playing career.
Turns out, that's exactly what it was. Jack was diagnosed with Congenital Spinal Stenosis and 4 herniated discs. It is believed, by the specialist, that Jack has had this problem for awhile, but because of COVID and having to take an extended break, his body was trying to heal. Which unfortunately for Jack, wasn't going to be on its own. The diagnosis was not surprising really. He is built like his Pa, and his Pa has that issue. Eventually, Jack will need back surgery to fix. However, the severity of the stenosis was exacerbated by the herniated discs. If Jack continued to play and got hit weird, he could lose all of his feeling in his legs.
This is where Jack learned that he was more than just football. He had to tell the family what was going on. When he showed the diagnosis document to his grandparents, they told him there was no choice. Pa was able to talk to Jack about his experience with his stenosis when he was younger. He made sure to tell Jack that he was so much more than football, and listed those things for him. Jack was given a new perspective, even though we had preached it to him for years.
The end of 2020 finds Jack in a new place and with a new perspective and goal. He will graduate with his Math degree and teach high school. Hopefully, with the coaching experience he's getting from his college, his coach has agreed to let him be a Student Assistant, he'll be able to coach football as well. He's lost the weight he had to gain to play center, which has helped alleviate some of the pressure on his spine.
The positive take-away from 2020 for Jack? He's more than just football.
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