As many of you know, my wonderful husband died back in April. He was a few weeks shy of his 39th birthday, and it was kind of sudden (but in a way not really). I have been reading his blog to help me find some peace with this whole thing and I noticed that he and I used our blogs for very different reasons. His was to reflect on and record (to some extent) what he was thinking and feeling so his kids would be able to look back. I, on the other hand, used it to vent my frustrations and fears and try to make some sense of the senseless events that my family was experiencing. I noticed that I very rarely said anything about my wonderful husband.
We met in graduate school. I had been taking classes for a little bit, and I think he'd just started. I had just come out of an interesting relationship and so had he. The conversations were innocent enough, and then I noticed that he and I were in lots of groups together. I finally got up enough courage to ask him if he'd take notes for me while I traveled to New York City to visit my sister. He agreed and when I got back he invited me to a party. I ended up having to go to Oklahoma because my grandfather had had a turn for the worse and we thought the end was near. I had left my cell phone at home and couldn't call Jason, so I felt bad when I got to class the next week and had to explain what happened. Oddly enough, he asked me out again anyway. After some rescheduling we finally went out on our first date in August.
Some people might think that Jason and I rushed into things. I mean, we officially started dating in August, he bought the engagement ring in October, he asked me to marry him in December (the 12th to be exact), and we married in May. But Jason and I were very similar in our views on marriage and dating, he was more outgoing than I was, and he was funny.
Jason stuck by me when I wasn't such a nice person, and he only entertained the thought once of leaving. It was right after Jack was born and I think my hormones were off. I was crabby with him and mean one minute, nice the next. A real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. We argued at times but never about really big things. He knew how much I worried about money and tried to stay calm in the face of a crisis (even though he was inwardly freaking out as well). The big decisions in life we agreed on: kids, finances, each other, and goals. He was my perfect fit, in every way.
He always told me how beautiful I was (even when I didn't think so). Even when my thyroid went out of whack and I couldn't lose weight but could gain it in a heart beat. He always saved a little bit from each check so I could go out and shop for clothes for myself every once in a while because he knew I'd never do it for myself.
I was so proud of him. He accomplished the goal he'd set for himself in the third grade--become a principal. I knew how much he wanted it (because I wanted it too) so at night when I couldn't sleep because the babies had woken up I'd get online and apply him to districts with administrative openings. That's how he got the interview in Little Elm, I had applied him. they called him for an interview and he heartily agreed and when he hung up the phone he came and found me and said, "Where is Little Elm and when did I apply?" My response was, "It's West of Frisco, and you applied at 3 o'clock in the morning a few weeks ago when Jack couldn't sleep." He knew full well that I'd done it. But that led to a wonderful career in a wonderful district.
He always, and I mean always, put his family first. He worried about Jack and Caroline (and me) when he got sick. He often times hid from me the hard time he was having because he didn't want me to worry (which is what he did the day before he died). We were so in sync with each other we could almost finish each other's thoughts. He kept his sense of humor through the difficult times and I miss that more than anything.
I always imagined that he and I would grow old together. We knew that his life expectancy was cut down by the chemo and the transplants, but I never knew it would so soon. He'd been rejecting his transplant for 2 years (that's what GVH is in reality) and his organs began to fail. Now he'll have to watch me grow old, and if I know him he'll tell me how sexy I am when he sees me in Heaven.
Needless to say he's a tough act to follow. He was the first best thing to ever happen to me.
1 comment:
I remember a conversation I had with him maybe a week or so after Briley nearly bit his finger off. He was talking about you and told me "Pope, I'm going to ask her to marry me" I laughed a bit and he told me he was serious, that he was going to do it because he knew you were different from anyone else he ever met.
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