When I was a new teacher, I would see veteran teachers retire. A few months or so after, one would come visit a colleague for lunch. Someone would always say something like, “Wow! They look GOOD. When they retired, they looked tired.” Someone else would always joke, “Yeah. Well. They retired.” As I grew as a teacher (and older), that didn’t seem like it was too far from the truth.
But now, I have experienced it in a way that makes me realize, it’s really the truth. I haven’t retired from education. But in a way, I retired being a classroom teacher. I’m no longer in charge of 22-23 children. I don’t have to make lesson plans or grade papers. Now I am in a position that allows me to help teachers and students. Now, I analyze data, coach teachers, tutor students (both during the day and after school), and pitch in wherever I'm needed. The main difference is, I don't have to make lesson plans (per se), grade papers, enter grades, or have classroom management. I have to say, it's caused me to reflect on the toll my profession took, not only on me, but my family.
My POV: The first few months of school, I found myself coming home at night and asking myself, "What do I do with my time?" For the first time in my career (29 years), I literally had nothing to do school wise. No papers need to be graded, no plans to make, no worrying if I had gotten to everything, no worrying if I had enough copies, enough materials, enough of anything.
I planned dinners and ACTUALLY make them. We have eaten out less because I can come home and cook. It also helps that even though I leave early in the morning to go workout (at the gym by 5:30 am), I can text my family and ask them to leave out something in the sink to thaw. If my kids need help with homework, I can help them without worrying about what I'm having to put off to do it. I have found out that I do better if I work out in the mornings. I get up at 5:00 am, and hit the gym by 5:30 am. I can get in a workout, cool down, and change clothes at the gym and still be at work by 7:00 am. That's another noticeable difference. I usually was at work by 6:45 am to make sure I could get last minute items ready. I always made sure that I was home by 4:30 pm so I could help the kids with activities, get them to sports practices, and be (what I thought of as) present.
I'd like to think that I did what I promised myself I'd do as a mom: be at my kids' sporting events, make sure they experienced what we could, and made them fell loved. I'm sure every mom has those moments of "did I do enough? Was I enough? Are they ready?" I'm finding that all I know for sure is, I did my best. My son is thriving in college, learning that he's more than an athlete, he's smart, funny, and learning to adult. My daughter is just as amazing. She's frugal, funny, seeing that she's more than an athlete, she's smart, sticks to her guns, and also learning to adult.
In a down moment recently, I realized that when my kids look back at their childhoods, they'd see a mom who was always tired, had a messy house, lost her temper at low moments, and wasn't "present". Teaching was a big contributor to that. Not only because of the ridiculous demands that the education agency placed on us, but because I cared. I voiced this fear to Kevin, not knowing that my son was nearby and heard. As I got ready for bed, he came in and said, "I'm realizing, now that I'm older, that adulting is hard. I just want you to know that when I look back at my childhood, I'll remember a mom who was strong, fearless, and amazing. It's hard for me to be an adult and care for myself. I am amazed and proud of how hard you worked to make sure we had a normal childhood. When I look back, I see a mom who loved me and Caroline. Who fought hard and often went outside her comfort zone because we needed her to. Yeah, she had the help of her family, but when push came to shove, she rose to the occasion. So what if she took a nap on Saturday or Sunday, so what if our house was messy, so what if dinners were sometimes macaroni and cheese with a vegetable thrown in for good measure. She did the best she could with what life threw at her. That's what I'll remember about my mom when I look back at my childhood."
Since I have been in my new position, I have been able to do more with the kids. This is Caroline's senior year of high school. During her last season of volleyball (ever), I was able to participate in some of the traditions and volunteer more. She and I have cooked dinner together, gone on Diet Dr. Pepper runs to simply check-in with each other, and navigate looking for a college. She is my traveler. I know she feels like she hasn't gone anywhere interesting like some of the kids she knows at school. But she's been all over the US, from coast to coast. I hope that she is braver than me and travels to far away places.
But the environment for teachers is a stressful one more so now than ever before. State legislatures all over the country are passing laws that pit parents against the school systems. I recently posted an FYI to a local social media page, and the comments went in a totally different direction. The post was a simple, "hey, you should know your rights as parents as they exist today." But the comments went in a direction that ended up pitting two people against each other. In the end, my point was, "Make an appointment with your child's teacher. They want you, as the parent, to be just as informed as you can be since we are working together to educate your child." The atmosphere in communities has also become contentious. Teachers and students end up in the crossfire, and then you have what is happening where I live. Superintendents are retiring/resigning. Teachers are risking their certifications and leaving. There is a substitute shortage in schools, teachers are taking days, getting sick, or resigning because it is just too much. I fear for our children. I fear for my children as they try to figure out what they will become when they graduate college. All of this wears on a person. A teacher who cares is faced with challenges from parents, state institutions, students who are struggling to catch up, students who are unruly, parents who are tired, demands to "bridge the gap" but no time allowed to do that because state standardized tests can't be delayed. I'm not seeing it just in Texas. It's all over.
So for me, the saying is true. Teachers who retire do look better, rested, and more carefree. I haven't retired yet (I officially can next year), and I won't either. At least not until Caroline graduates from college. But without the stress of being in a classroom day in and day out, I have become a better version of my old self. And that allows me to be the support that teachers/students need, the more "present" mom my kids need, and a better person all around.
No comments:
Post a Comment