Memories of my mom...

Today was the first anniversary of my mom's passing.  I won't lie, it was depressing.  It was depressing that...I couldn't call her, I couldn't talk to her, I couldn't hug her, I couldn't ask for advice, I couldn't give her a kiss goodbye, I couldn't tell her I love her to her face.

I focused on the "I couldn'ts" for about five minutes.  I won't lie, it was an honest-to-goodness pity party.  But as I thought about all of the "I couldn'ts", I realized that there are a lot of "I coulds".  I could picture her face and reactions to events that are happening, I could hear her advice when I needed it, I could see her in my children, I could mess with my teenage daughter like my mom did us, I could remember funny anecdotes that would bring a smile to my face, and I could think of all the ways I knew my mom loved me and that I loved her.

So here is a quick list of all of the things I could do:

1) I could remember her mishaps with titles and names.  She and my Granny (her mother) always got sayings wrong/mixed up.  My Granny once called a lady in town a "Bar Gnat".  I guess she meant Bar Fly?  My mom was talking about a movie she'd watched that had Tom Cruise in it.  She really loved the movie.  It was called "Three Good Men".  Of course she meant "A Few Good Men".  But still it was funny.

2) There was this time when she had us all in the car (we were little), and some guy pulled out in front of us.  She realized in the knick of time that there were little ears in the car, so she yelled, "YOU STUPID FRUIT!"  Even then we laughed because it sounded funny.

3) When it got warm outside, she'd make us an Orange Drink.  She blended orange juice, ice, and fruit cocktail.  At the bottom of the cup, she'd put the cherry.  We'd sit and drink it while she asked us how our day was.

4) When I was in 3rd grade, I struggled with my times tables.  Every morning when I'd come down for breakfast, there'd be a piece of paper with what ever number I was working on.  I'd sit down, pick up my pencil, and she'd time me.  I swear that's the only way I made it through my times tables.

5) With all the trips to the ER for x-rays, she never got mad at me.  We'd always joke that each of her daughters had a childhood specialty: My older sister had surgeries, my younger sister got all of the stitches, and I broke all of the bones.  I was a reckless child who often times forged ahead and only thought of the consequences later.  However, I do have to say, in my defense, the time I sprained my ankle and sat on the front porch crying that "I was going to die" during the Fire Drill my older sister organized, wasn't my fault.  I'd slipped getting out of the bathtub and didn't think I'd done anything.  Until I couldn't make it down the stairs to our designated meeting spot and broke down in tears because I was going to die.  Or the time I woke her up at 2 am because my foot hurt.  Upon further inspection (she was mortified) she discovered that I had broken my foot during a very stupid game I'd made up before a soccer game and then was too embarrassed to say anything about it.  Then, I played half a game with a broken foot.  I guess she figured I'd suffered enough, so she never yelled.

6) The time I broke my leg in first grade (I'm telling you), and when she rushed up to the doctor's office had brought my security blanket.  She just knew I'd need it.

7) Then, there was the time she coached a softball team.  My mom as coach was something to behold.  She was caring and calm with her team, but watch out if you were a parent on the opposing team or coach.  Mess with one of her kids, and I'll tell you something!

8) All the times I'd call her in the middle of the night because Jack wouldn't stop crying after getting his bottle.  Turns out the sucker was allergic to milk, but he'd guzzle the stuff anyway.  My mom would always say (even when I was in labor), "Nothing lasts for ever."  She'd tell me that when Jack would wake up EVERY 2 hours to eat, or when he'd cry when I left him at daycare, or when Caroline was afraid of monsters and would sleep on the floor on my side of the bed, or when I was tired from teaching, being a mom, then going to the hospital to be with my husband. 

9) Then there was the time I called her at 9 at night because Jason was back in the hospital and Jack had a bloody nose that WOULDN'T stop.  She made it to my house in record time and sat with me until Jack had gone to bed. 

10) All the times she'd lose her voice after taking her kids from HPPM camping.  She loved all of her students, and would do whatever she could to try and make their lives enriched.

11) All of the times she would make sure that we had the materials we needed to explore our creativity.

12) Her ability to leap over furniture to change the channel from Sesame Street because "That one piece they did with a koala bear in a tree" made one of her children cry.

13) Her ability to make forts out of blankets that didn't fall, play Lava with us when she could've been doing something else, her hard boiled egg fiasco, and her wicked sense of humor.

14) Her grit.  When faced with adversity, she'd allow herself time to wallow and be upset.  Then she'd start thinking of ways to get the job done.

15) Finally, the time she slapped me with a banana peel.  Caroline and I were visiting her at her Memory Care place.  My mom had eaten a banana, and I asked if I could take the peel and throw it away for her.  She looked at me and indignantly said, "No!" and then slapped me on the cheek with it.  She giggled, and Caroline was just about as shocked as I was.  Then Caroline said, "Hey Nana.  Can I throw that away for you?" My mom looked at her, put her hand on Caroline's cheek and said, "Sure.  You're such a sweet girl!  You must get it from me!"

There are a lot more happy memories I have of my mom.  But those were the ones I thought about today.