Facing the Truth

A while back, we started noticing some changes in a loved one.  Very subtly changes, that in retrospect were clear signs of what we are now facing.  Looking back at it, I see now how the mind works to protect a person from the harsh realities of the truth.  The same thing happened years ago with my husband.  The signs were all there, we just chose to ignore them until it couldn't be ignored.  The mind works to protect itself, and will often ignore subtle signs in order to keep and maintain "normalcy".

However, the signs can't be ignored.  My mom has Alzheimers, and it sucks.  I'm going to say that my older sister is my idea of Wonder Woman.  Right after Jason died, she stepped in to help me with my kids.  Once we were able to function on our own, she still stayed to help out because the kids were entering the stage in life where it is REALLY helpful to have a wingman.  Soon though, we were able to navigate and deal.  This should've been her time to spend time for herself.  But the slow decline of my mom started about the same time, so Kirsten took over there.  I help out when I can, but family and work make that difficult.  When Kirsten has to go out of town, Kevin and I make an effort to go visit my mom.  My younger sister helps out too, and I know this is hard on her.

However, I have to say, my outlook on this may be the wrong one, but it helps me cope.  I try to find the sweetness in the moments.  I had to help her brush her teeth last night, and it was funny as all get out.  I obviously have forgotten how to help someone brush their teeth.  But it was a sweet moment for me.  I'm lucky right now.  My mom still knows who I am and knows my name.  I know that this might not always be, but right now she does.  She knows the kids and their names and who they are to her.  I'm glad she's forgotten what happened to my first husband, Jason.  His death, at 38, hit her really hard.  There was no reason for it, and it angered her.  She knows that Jason is no longer here, but can't remember what happened.  That, to me, is a gift in a way.  She's no longer sad when she talks about him.

There will be more "sweetness" days, but there will also be really rough days.  I've had them with her, but I suspect my older sister has had more.  I just choose to remember the sweet ones.  It'll help me later.