There's always a reason.

Recently, a friend invited me to dinner but I had to decline.  In order to really understand why, let me explain something: The time between mid-December to the end of January is TIGHT for educators.  The district I work in does direct deposit, but not all people have that set up (it's the only explanation I have).  So instead of just depositing my paycheck directly to my account at the end of  December, it is deposited in the middle of December, but I have to wait until the end of January before I get paid again (so it's an extra week).  So more often than not, January is a really TIGHT month.

For that reason, and because of some unexpected expenses I don't have the funds to go out (they're already allotted for specific purposes and that isn't one of them).  She offered to pay, she's such a good friend, but I declined.  Instead, I suggested Happy Hour where water doesn't cost anything, and neither do the chips and hot sauce if you go to a Mexican Restaurant.  So we made plans to meet up for a run and then Happy Hour, which is what it's really about...spending time with her.

I mentioned this to one of the kids when they asked who I'd been talking to on the phone.  They felt bad because I didn't have the money to go out with a friend, but I assured them that I (and my friend) was totally cool with it.  Then they asked why we didn't have the money, because after all, dinner doesn't cost that much.  Whether they wanted to know about it or not, I told them the following:

I used the extra money for the month for the following things:

    *Dentists - both children have cavities.  One kid is covered because it was an old filling that came off, but the other child had 3 (yes 3, albeit small cavities on new molars) which will cost money to fill.

    *Vets - One of our furry babies dislocated her hip.  In order for her to not be in pain and have one leg way shorter than the other, a doctor visit was made.  Her new nickname for the next week and a half is "Tripod", but she seems to be healing well.

* Christmas decorations - My daughter asked if we could decorate the house like we used to when Jason was alive.  She used some of her allowance to get lights for the outside of the house, and some new decorations for the inside.  Jason was really big with Christmas lights outside, but on one income the extra electricity was difficult to justify.  She hasn't asked for much in regards to Christmas decorations, so this year I agreed to do it for the week leading up to Christmas.  That's about all I could afford.

   * Horseback riding camp - Even though lessons were her present, I registered my daughter for a camp at the place she'll be taking lessons from.  I only had enough money for one day, but the joy and excitement that she experienced at the camp with the horses made me look for enough money for another day.  I used some of my Christmas money and the equivalent of the four of us eating out one night to pay for it.  She is more confident and happy when she's with horses, so it was TOTALLY worth it.

Of course, they immediately felt bad because of the reasons, but I assured them that these things happen.  Usually, they happen in that time between the mid-December paycheck and the January paycheck.  I am not sorry for any of those expenses (well, maybe the dentist but really it's not that kid's fault the pH level of their mouth is like their dad's), so they shouldn't be sorry either.  They just need to realize that these things happen, and I usually tell them so that they'll understand when I have to say no to something.  It's not because I don't want to get it for them, I just have to prioritize.

As a mom, I feel that getting their teeth filled so that they don't rot out, getting medical help for a perfectly healthy dog (except for the hip thing), sprucing up our house to make it more joyful during a joyful time of year, and bringing some happiness and confidence to my daughter is more important than getting a new outfit, or eating out.  My friends understand, and hopefully don't mind.

I just keep thinking about what my mom told me when Jack was born, "Honey, nothing lasts forever." That has been my mantra ever since.  I only have four more years before Jack goes to college, and seven before Caroline goes away.  I will get that outfit or go out with my friends soon enough (January 28th isn't that far off), but for right now there are other things that need to be done.