A Search for Answers

As the Winter Storm of 2026 was descending on my town, Kevin and I did some last minute grocery runs to make sure my daughter had what she needed to weather her first ice storm solo.  As I was winding my way through the grocery store, my phone dinged with a message.  I checked it noticing the unknown number, but the message is what caught my attention.  "Just checking in that YOU are okay.  Heard your campus had a scary day." I figured out who it was and responded back that I was doing just fine.  It was not the first time I had made that statement, "I'm fine, thanks."  

My school building had been inundated with a show of force by district administration after the event of the day before.  The day before, we had been put on a lockdown around 2:45 pm due to an item that shouldn't have been at school in someone's backpack.  Sometimes we have unannounced drills, such as fire drills and such. However, we NEVER have unannounced lockdown drills.  The kids were amazing and went to the designated spots, but many were giggling because they thought it was a drill.  I received a message on my phone that indicated who had initiated the lockdown, and it wasn't an administrator.  That was my first indication that this wasn't a drill.  The kids clued in after we had no-one checking that our door was locked, and it lasted longer than the regular 2-3 minutes a drill normally would.  As the reality sunk in, several things happened.  Several kids started crying, one kid handed me a pair of scissors, "Just in case," and my senses were heightened.  We were finally released from the lockdown by 3:10 pm, and kids went home.  I immediately texted my own children what had happened, in case it had made the news, but that was it.  My students know that above all else, my job is to keep them safe.  

But as I reflected on all of the upper admin's inquiries as to my mental health, the messages I received checking in on me, and the emails from co-workers reminding us about the district's mental health services, I asked Kevin, "Is there something wrong with me?"

He was puzzled.  Why would I ask that?  My response was simple, "Everyone is seriously freaking out about this instance.  Shouldn't I be that way?  Shouldn't I be scared to go to work, scared that the situation even happened?  After some reflection, I realized, "No.  There is nothing wrong with me."  

And here is why:

1. I have been teaching for 32 years, or 26 of them, we've practiced lockdown drills,

2. I've taught in several schools where lockdowns occurred more often than the drill.

3. I know what my responsibility is,

4. My kids are old enough that they don't need me like they did when they were little.  It'd suck on what I'd miss out on, but they'd be okay.

5. There were no shouts, no gunshots, and no sirens,

6. And my door locked and there was only one way in the room.

I might've been affected more if I'd heard gunshots, running or sirens.  I might've been more scared if there was more than one entry point (which several of our rooms have), or if my door didn't lock.  

But knowing the climate of our country, the climate of my state, and the view some on teaching; I know what's expected of me.  I know what I'm up against, and I have made peace with it.