Apparently, Mother of the Year, I am not

I was recently reading up on the news and saw an article for a lady who had just won a "Mother of the Year" award.  She beat out other moms who had been nominated for the award.  The article expounded on her greatness, and made it sound like she was doing something really awesome.    As I read about this lady and all of the things the reporter wrote about her as to why she won the award, I thought to myself, "Well, if this is what I have to do to win Mother of the Year, I will never get that award."  There are some many factors that go against me, that even my own children wouldn't vote for me.  In fact, I'd probably win the Most Horrible Mother of the Year award if it comes right down to it.

The first of many reasons why I will NEVER win MOTY is because I don't always believe my children.  Now don't misunderstand that statement.  I always believe IN my children.  I just don't always BELIEVE  my children.  My belief, "that all children lie at one point or another" was actually learned at a very early age.  My sisters and I would fib all of the time to try and stay out of trouble.  Adults do it, often in some cases, in the job force.  The funny thing was, my mom didn't always believe my sisters or I either.  If we got into trouble at school, she'd ask us about it when we got home.  If we said it wasn't our fault, she'd say, "If I call your teacher she'll say it's possible that it happened that way?"  That usually got my sisters and I.  Mainly because we knew that the punishment would be more severe if we were caught in the lie upon verification or lack thereof.  Today, I tell my kids that if I email their teacher I should get verification of their version of the story.  Luckily for me, my son can't help but smile when he lies.  All I have to do is give him the 'Seriously?" look and if he's lying, I'll know.  My daughter's a tougher nut to crack, but if you bring in disappointing me or pulling in a friend, she'll give up the ghost.  Not always believing my children over their teachers is only my first strike, but there's more.

Next up...I punish my kids for silly things.  The consequences used to be easy to dish out.  In the early days, I could send them to time out or spank.  Now, I have to be a tad bit more creative.  I still use time out (especially for my daughter), but now I have to take things away from my son that he truly values.  I also punish for silly things.  Being mean to each other just to make the other feel as badly as they do, tops the list.  Talking back to an adult, arguing that they're correct and myself or another adult is wrong, rolling  their eyes, swearing every chance they get, getting upset when what I have fixed for dinner isn't good enough are other examples of why they get punished.  I know, I'm horrible.

Following close behind is my opinion that not everyone in the world should be my children's biggest "fan" or "cheerleader".  I received an email recently from a parent in response to a communication I'd recently had about the child's declining behavior in my classroom and at school in general.  Among his numerous reasons about why he thinks his child isn't behaving in class is because the child doesn't believe that I am his biggest fan.  According to the parent, maybe if I were, his child would be more productive for me.  So you see, I've been doing this whole mom thing wrong. My children know that I, they're mother, are their biggest fan and cheerleader.  I'm at every sporting game, life event, nurtured (against their protests) that God loves them and that one day they'll see God and their dad again, and I'm there at night to tuck them in and reassure them that life will be okay.  I've helped them believe in themselves, guided them so they can solve their own problems, and I've even helped them learn to deal with people they didn't get along with.

This year, for example, I made Jack serve a detention because he'd been disrespectful towards his orchestra teacher.  She had gotten on to him for something he shouldn't have done, and even though she was a little disrespectful to him he made it worse.  He continued arguing with her, because in his opinion, she was wrong.  Upon hearing his side and her side, he and I sat down for a talk.  During the conversation we had, I mentioned that yes, she was probably in the wrong, but in the end "Her classroom, Her rules."  Then there was the time he earned a 46 on a math test (it's never been his best subject).  I asked him twice to go to her tutoring sessions, to which he'd reply that he would and didn't.  Two weeks later, I asked about it and got this response, "I can't make up the corrections because she used my paper to show the tutoring kids how to do it correctly." He was quite put out with his math teacher, and his tone let me know it.  I fount that explanation interesting enough.  But then he added, "Yeah, she's got this lame rule that if you don't show up to make the corrections within 48 hours, you can't do them."  Oh yeah, that's lame alright!  Again, a discussion followed that "Actions speak louder than words." If you don't show within 48 hours, you're telling her that you don't really care about the grade.  It was a tough lesson to learn since the grade counted for 40% of his total average, but he learned it. I lost out on my award because I wouldn't email his teacher and ask for extra credit for him.  He had to do that on his own.  The next time he scored low, he talked with her about making the correction because he had track on her next available tutoring day.  Oddly enough, she worked with him to find a solution.

Caroline has suffered through my idea that I (and my extended family) should be her biggest fan and cheerleader.  This year was her first year to have a teacher whose teaching style and personality are truly unique and "intermediate".  It was obvious from the get go that there would be trouble.  Through all of the incidents we have had, the yelling that the teacher apparently did in class, wouldn't sway me to request another teacher.  Instead, I did the cruelest, most unthinkable thing...I taught Caroline coping skills.  I taught her how to deal with people in authority positions that she didn't agree with or get along with.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I have had my moments of MOTY when I had to intervene on their behalf.  There have been a few times with Jack when no matter how often he asked his teachers about things, he'd get the run around.  Then, there was one time when Caroline's teacher did the unthinkable (at least from a fellow teacher's point of view), and I had to go to the principal with my concern.  But other than that, I've made it clear that I, and I alone, are the one who should be their biggest fan and cheerleader.  I don't believe that anyone else should be, unless my children have truly earned it.

Finally, the last reason I won't win MOTY is because I stalk and censor my children.  That's right, I stalk my children.  I have "friended" Jack on Instagram and Facebook.  Every so often, I'll peruse his Instagram account, and either "like" a post or talk with him about removing one and explaining why.  I've also made sure he understands what exactly a "friend" is on Instagram and Facebook.  He's had to remove a few "friends" because they didn't fit the general criteria for one.  The same goes for Facebook.  Any friend requests go through me.  If he can't explain who they are other than to say "they're in my ____ period class" then they don't get accepted or friended.  I have also, at times, requested to talk with people he's communicating with on his Xbox.  Caroline texts, so I check her texts every day, and we talk about what she's texted and how to handle situations that may be iffy.  Hers are mostly silly, but at least she feels I'm doing the same with her as I do with Jack.

I've done other things that would keep me out of the running, even if I didn't have the other things going against me.  I put Jack in the Young Marines when he began a downward spiral of behavior after his dad's death, I let my daughter put hot pink and blue hair extensions in her hair to experiment, I've let her pick out her own clothes in search of finding her own personal style, I've continued to teach them that the world doesn't revolve around them.  I've even encouraged them to problem solve for themselves, stand up for what's right, be a friend and mentor to others, and try every sport they can until they find one that they love the best or figure out they're not really sports people.  They have also learned that not everyone will like their decisions, but at least the decisions should be informed.  They should do what they love, even if others find it weird or not the 'norm'.  But the kids know that they must do what they love and know that if it makes them happy, everyone else will be happy for them.

So, congratulations to all of the moms who have ever been recognized publicly for being Mom of the Year. Who came up with the Mother of the Year award anyway?  I mean, she's doing her job as a mom.  There are women all over the world who do an awesome job at being a mom and never get recognized.  It's hard work, and the longer I teach, the more I realize it's a dying art.  So, to all those mom's out there that toil in anonymity...you're doing an AWESOME job!  One day, your reward will be in seeing how productive your child is in their community.  The fact that they can function on their own and support their family will be your Mother of the Year Award.