School year in review

Tomorrow is the last day of the 2009-2010 school. It's been an interesting year, filled with life lessons that I wish my kids did not have to learn so early in life. Some lessons are good lessons, and it is with mixed feelings that I end this school year.

It began with the move to Yale. Jason and I weren't happy with it, but the circumstances that caused it were beyond our control. So we decided to try and make lemonade out of a truck load of lemons. The year definitely started out rough for Jack. Jason and I were constantly amazed at the system at Yale and the expectations, or lack of. Jason had actually dealt with the principal and teacher several times, and I dealt once early on. Once things were hammered out Jack's year grew more stable, but it became obvious that academically he was struggling and their idea of tutoring was anything but helpful. We pulled Jack out of tutoring and did it at home. As the state test grew closer a work colleague of mine offered to help, which Jack really enjoyed because she actually helped him on concepts that he struggled with. He's had a little bit of trouble since, but nothing major.

Caroline was ready for school before it even started. She was so excited to be in kindergarten finally that nothing was going to convince her that school wasn't the place to go. It provided her with structure and a safe place to be when her life was anything by safe or predictable.

Both kids continued with counseling and Jason even agreed that with the last round of hospitalizations Caroline should start. It has certainly helped with navigating the loss of Jason. Jason's health declined beginning in August. It was such a slow progression that the end result never even entered our minds. I think he thought about it, but I refused to see what was happening in front of me. I felt safe when he reassured me that things were going to be fine. I had another definition and vision of what "fine" meant, but he was right. We will be fine.

Jason was able to see the White Christmas, and the most snow we'd had since he was 5 years old. It made him so frustrated that he couldn't be with Jack when Jack was in the hospital with a staph infection. He felt helpless to help Jack when all Jack wanted was his daddy and Jason couldn't go up there. Spring Break found Jason on the brink of death only to rebound, but not back to normal. He started to make progress in rehabilitation physical therapy, but it wasn't as fast as he'd like it. He continued to have stomach pains that ended up being his liver. In the end, his organs couldn't take the strain and began to fail.

April found us mourning for Jason's life. I suddenly found myself a widow at 38, with a 6 and 9 year old. I'm not afraid of being single with two small kids. I was able to make sure that things were taken care of before (when Jason was in the hospital), but it was different. I have found myself, on several occasions, learning some news that I know Jason would have liked to have heard. But I can't call him and tell him.

Three weeks after Jason passed away, Jack had to take the state test and he was worried. He didn't want to go to Summer School or be held back, so he was worried. Turns out Jason helped him calm down enough to pass both the reading and the math tests. So in the end, no Summer School and 4th grade here we come. I went back to work a week and a half after Jason passed away. I needed the schedule and structure. Summer vacation worries me because I won't have much to distract me. My official mourning will take place, I think. Caroline has struggled the most, I think, with Jason's passing. She's depressed a little bit and has a hard time talking about him. She has recently started drawing pictures of him. One depicts our family rock band group. She was proud because Daddy had brown hair, but he was a part of the family and not a creature with wings. She'll mention things that they did together and often wonders if she'll always be his Baby Girl. I always tell her definitely she will be.

We made it through Jason's birthday, Mother's Day, our wedding anniversary, and Memorial Day. Our next big day will be Father's day. Not looking forward to that one.

My students this year were great. They were sweet kids who tried really hard and were fun to work with. There are several I won't miss next year, but for the most part they were a good group to have this year. I didn't have to worry about them when I was gone. That's always nice.

I'm glad Jason got to take Caroline and Jack to school on the first day. I"m glad for a lot of things that happened this year that Jason was a part of. We still plan on going to see the USS Alabama (even though the oil spill happened), and we plan on going to New York for his 40th birthday.

Goodbye 2009-2010. Now it's time to rest up for 2010-2011.