Happy Father's Day!

Dear HM,

Well, it's our first Father's Day without you, and it's already gearing up to be a hard one. 

Your dad and sister are going to honor you on Sunday with a trip to Oklahoma.  I know you'll be with your dad as he tries his hand again for the first time at Texas Hold 'Em.  We are having a get together on Saturday night and having strawberry and banana ice cream (homemade of course) at your parents.  We don't call them celebrations any more, no one is really feeling very celebratory.  The kids and I have decided to get a card for all the men in the kid's lives who are important to them.

The kids and I plan on visiting you on Sunday.  We are not going to go to church, I think this time it's better to avoid the reminders (there'll be plenty).  We've decided to have a picnic with you, something that you enjoyed but couldn't do at the end.  We're also going to send you messages via balloon, so be on the lookout for them.  The radio station in Santa Barbara was kind enough to send us a copy of the interview you did last April with your bone marrow brother.  We've listened to it in the car every day.  It brings Caroline such joy to hear your voice and she's gotten quite creative with the "wouldn't it be cool if..." scenarios for hearing your voice from Heaven.  Jack is gung-ho about listening to it at first, but then breaks down in tears when he hears your voice.  He misses you something awful.  He longs to pat your head to let you know it'll be okay, for you to rub his head when is sad or scared, to lay with you and enjoy the silence, to just hear you say, "It'll be okay."  We got a picture of you to take with us for our annual Father's Day photo.  He cried when he saw that.  Rationally he understands what your life would've been like and that you wouldn't have wanted to live like that, but to him at least you'd be here.

Like I said above, we got our Father's Day photo done tonight.  We made sure to include you as well.  The kids had fun and the pictures turned out fine.  I'll probably use one of them for our Christmas cards this year.  I miss you, as I know you miss us.  I will try hard to stay strong this weekend, but you'll have to help me (you know how I am).

Much love,

sm