Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I hold these truths to be (somewhat) self-evident

I feel the same as most of these universal truths and questions. My mom sent me these in an email

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clearyour computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when yourealize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I wasyounger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm prettysure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how theperson died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at workwhen you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for therest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? Idon't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks meif I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear Idid not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes tovoice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and runaway?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then notseeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not toanswer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday orSaturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger andsuddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first sawit.
21. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand thantake 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
22. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying tofinish a text.
23. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nodand smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team upto prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers andsisters!
26. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,and you can wear them forever.
27. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
28. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you aregoing to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
29. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
30. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and stillnot know what time it is.
31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their carkeys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on theDonkey - but I'd bet my paycheck everyone can find and push the snoozebutton from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time,every time!

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