Another first, another sign of the new path

Mother's Day came and went and it was tough. Caroline slept over at a friend's house and I was shocked they agreed because, after all, Sunday was Mother's Day. Jack came in and wished me a Happy Mother's Day, and almost immediately after asked, "So, what are we going to do today?" He and I had to have a talk about that. He's been asking me that question almost every day since Jason died. I stopped to think about it, and discovered that for the 2 months prior to Jason's death, the kids pretty much had something going on to "keep them busy" all of the time. So my question of, "Why can't they entertain themselves?" was answered and so I set out to remedy it. Jack and talked quite a bit about that little known fact and came up with an agreement that he should think of things he can do to entertain himself that doesn't require electronics.

He wanted to go spend the allowance that was burning a hole in his pocket, so we picked up Caroline and went to the mall. I thought this would be a great way to keep my mind off of the fact that I didn't get that cute little card from Jason exclaiming how great of a mom I was. I was wrong. The mall was full of dads with their sons out doing stuff together so mom could have some time off. The kids noticed that one too. After the kids spent their money on Legos and Build a Bear (guess which one was which), we went and had lunch and then went shopping for Grammy. The kids didn't quite understand why we were shopping for her when she wasn't their mom (good point I thought), but got very serious about it when they discovered that they were filling in for daddy. Caroline wanted to get Grammy make-up (we got a Sephora gift card) and Jack wanted her to get clothes (a Coldwater Creek gift card). I got her an angel ornament with a saying on it that pertained to her situation with Jason and a medallion that she could keep in her pocket (but I suggested Pa drill a hole in it and she put it on her key chain).

Jack constantly was telling me to rest and not work, but I explained to him that I couldn't sit for long--I got bored. So I'd rest for a little bit and then work for a little bit. Jack declared that it was "No Friend Sunday" (unless someone came by) and stuck to that little declaration all day. I was so proud of him.

I cleaned out my closet and packed some of Jason's clothes away. I had a dream where I packed Jason a suitcase and met him at a park. We sat on a bench and talked about things (mainly the kids) and he said he was fine, but he missed us (but that he was watching all of the time). After awhile he said he'd meet me later to get some more of his clothes and he left (he said he had a poker game to get to). I took that to be his sign that it was okay. I packed up most of it, but left the jeans out (for Jack later -not too much later) and his Brent shirts. I'm keeping all of his ties - on Jack's request, and his red shirts - on Caroline's request. I only cried once because I found a shirt that smelled like him. I didn't tell his mom I did that, didn't think it would go over well on Mother's Day. Jack was okay with the moving of clothes since I didn't get rid of it all.