Okay, so Thursday's ISS went relatively well. Jack came out of it knowing 3 things: 1) the teacher wasn't that mean, 2) he got his work done (the work she sent I had issues with), 3) he NEVER wants to go back. So maybe the lesson was well learned. Jason talked with him about what he needed to do to make sure he didn't go back, and Jack left for school on Friday hopeful it would be a good day.
It was-- for about an hour.
Jason had the second of four treatments yesterday, so he only went in for a half day. Communication was difficult with him, so I didn't see him until he got home at 7:30. When I picked Jack up from school he walked out of the after-school program smiling, but it quickly changed to worry. "Mom, can we talk?" So we went out to the car and he told me what happened.
Apparently, at recess a group of boys were playing and "acting cool" (I still don't know what that looked like, but that's what he said). Then one boy, someone Jack knows from when he played soccer, says, "Jack, you're not cool!" Hurt and embarrassed in front of the other boys Jack says, "You'll be sorry." and walks away from the group and goes to play somewhere else. When they got in from recess, the teacher asked Jack if he'd said anything to the other boy. Jack told her what he said and then she told him that was a threat and sent him on to specials. At the end of the day, Jack wrote a note to the little boy apologizing for what he said and that he hoped they could still be friends. That was Jack's main worry after school, that the boy wouldn't be his friend anymore.
When Jason got home, I got this story from him: The teacher did call Jason while he was at the clinic. She told Jason that at recess a little boy had come up to her and told her that Jack had said he was going to get him. The teacher admitted to Jason that she didn't hear it, but when she asked Jack if he'd said anything he admitted he did and that was the end of the conversation. Did she ask him why he'd said those things? No she didn't. She told Jason that she wrote up Jack for the office because she knew the parents of the child in question and knew they'd be up in the office upset if she hadn't done that (they live down the street from her), so that's why she referred Jack to the office. Now, mind you, this happened sometime around 9:00, but she didn't get the referral to the office until the end of the day. Jack doesn't know he was referred to the office yet. He won't know until after Jason has a meeting with the principal and the teacher on Tuesday. Actually, he might never know. Another incident that happened in the classroom was that Jack had some gum he put in his desk. Some kids were staring at him and he yelled, "Stop looking at me!" While one kid went to the teacher and told on him. Instead of writing in the book for having gum, it was for yelling. Sounds like there are a bunch of tattlers in her class. My first question would have been, "So and so, is this hurting you? No. Did it hurt you physically? No. So why are you up here telling me Jack has gum? I understand our policy is to not have gum, but shouldn't you be working on something rather than worrying about the gum in Jack's desk?" Then I would have talked to Jack about not having gum in class and then taking it up and giving it back at the end of the day. All the while reminding him that the next time he has gum I'd take it up and not give it back.
The one thing that's bothering me about this whole thing is that the teacher is not taking the time to build a relationship with Jack. Jack's second grade teacher did (although it was time consuming) and by the middle of September he would have done anything for her. There was also daily communication between us. He knew we knew if he'd not done his best. The guidance counselor worked with Jack and he actually was making progress. The counselor at the school he's at now is wonderful, but her program is a little different. If you go see her because your teacher sent you, you were in trouble. Because of that, I'm looking at finding a counselor for Jack to go and see to help him adjust to the change and how to cope with things thrown his way.
I think Jason's finally reached the point where he's growing tired of the teacher's discipline plan, or lack thereof. We're not going to request that Jack be removed just yet. We'd like for her to try and get to know Jack and build a relationship with him before we request that.
Jack's honestly a changed little boy. He's very respectful at home and sometimes falls back into bad habits. However, when you quietly say something to him he snaps out of it and apologizes and does better.
I took them back to my school yesterday so I could pack up. Jack went down to his second grade teacher and she gave him a big hug (she knows what's going on because I've asked her for ideas of things she did in the classroom to help build that relationship so we can let Jack's new teacher know that). He also saw the counselor. She gave him a big hug and asked, "Do you miss us a little bit?" Jack said, "No. I miss you ALOT." I almost started crying. That told her enough and she emailed me some things she did to work with Jack on things he struggled with.
Time will only tell how this goes.
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