Expectations

It's amazing what a list of expectations will do for you. The last few weeks of school have been stressful for my son (and family). He didn't know what the expectations were and was getting into massive trouble because he didn't know. Jason had a meeting with the principal and teacher on Tuesday and seems happy with it. Over the weekend, I sat down and made my own communications folder for Jack. On one side, we came up with expectations he thought were needed: respecting the teacher - no arguing; respecting my friends - no put downs; doing my work eventhough it's hard and I may not get it (if I don't, I can ask my teacher or bring it home); etc. I added a couple I thought would be helpful: worry about myself and not what someone else is doing; raise my hand if I want to say something. On the other side, we drew out a six week calendar so that he could mark in it when he had to sign in the book and what he had to sign for. Each day he was supposed to bring it home and we'd discuss it. Jason asked Jack to show it to his teacher and then we asked her to take it to their meeting.

At the meeting the teacher said that Jack had done very well that day (hinting that no signing of the book was needed). Jack said he signed once, but couldn't remember what it was for or when he signed it (maybe his days were meshing together). It was decided that there would be a communications folder and it would start on Monday the 14th. I wasn't thrilled with that because it gave Jack 3 more days to get into serious trouble. She didn't send the folder home so I didn't have the expectations. So, Jack and I wrote down the ones we could remember and put it in his homework folder. Each morning before I leave them at my in-laws, he and I go over the expectations. He and Jason have a little talk each morning as well. On the days when I picked them up this week, Jason called to check in and talk to Jack to see how he did. When I would pick them up, Jack would come out of the cafeteria with a big smile on his face and say, "Today was a good day. I only signed the book once and that was for blurting out." I'm thinking, "Well, blurting out is better than disrespectful. So we're making progress." On the days when someone else picked them up, I'd call as well to check in. Same story different verse. Signing for blurting out.

It's amazing. Most people know kids need limits, but they don't always realize that some kids need to not only know the expectations, but have them posted somewhere so they can see them on a daily basis.

I'm often reminded of that wise saying my mother used to tell us: "Common sense isn't so common."