Sometimes I hate dreams...

Sometimes, dreams suck.  I went to bed early, but found myself awake and upset before midnight.  I dreamed of Jason again.  I usually tell the kids that dreams are when angels visit us, and I generally believe that.  But last night, I refuse to believe it was Jason visiting because it was a weird dream.

I was in a different place, and my kids weren't my kids.  They were somebody else, but in the dream I knew they were my kids.  Jason walked through the door, but it was like none of the stuff that happened over the last five years ever happened.  Plus, Jason wasn't nice.  But then halfway through the dream, the nice Jason showed up with Jack and I was so happy he was here.  But the mean Jason was still around.  I remember I was watching the dream like an outsider, and I knew that it wasn't real it was just a dream.  The me in the dream didn't know about Kevin or his girls, didn't know that Jason had died from cancer, and didn't know that it was a dream.  But the me that was the observer knew but couldn't stop the dream.  I remember that the observer me looked at Jason's eyes and thought that I really missed his eyes (he had the most beautiful color of blue), but I knew he was gone.  I remember I heard thunder in the distance and then woke up, but was too shaken to go back to sleep. 

The dream made no sense and it made me sad because of the Mean Jason (he was never like that in life) and I truly hoped that he didn't really visit me in my dreams.  I'd be disappointed in him if he did and that's what I dreamed.  I tried to look at it and evaluate it, but couldn't come up with anything since the kids and the place were not my family.  The only familiar things about the dream were me and the Nice Jason.

Sometimes I really hate dreams.