Sometimes you just got to hash it out.

Jack and Caroline used to be the best of buddies.  Caroline looked up to her older brother and wanted to do anything he did, while he basically liked to show off.  But of course, they grew older.  Their interests were different (in some ways), and Jack grew tired of his Baby Girl following him EVERYWHERE.  She was confused and sad that he didn't want to play with her anymore, but he was expanding his world.  You see, he entered kindergarten.  As most siblings, they have had their arguments, and they mostly happen around me.  Today, he likes to pester her and get a rile out of her, she has ABSOLUTELY NO patience when it comes to him.  When she "fights" back, he lashes out and most of the time someone gets hurt (whether it's their feelings, a physical hurt, or hurt pride).  Last night, they had to completely clean out and up my car after their latest round of "back and forth".  Not quite sure what happened, but basically baby powder ended up all over the backseat of my car after he did something to her, she responded, he responded back, and to "defend" herself she threw baby powder at him.  Yeah, I don't get it either.

Don't get me wrong.  They have their moments where a truce has been called, and I can catch glimpses of what they were like when they were six and four.  They will work together, play together, and laugh together and it's during those times I have hope for them.  I find that I usually use the same saying my mom did when my sisters and I would fight.  You know, "My wish is that when I'm gone, you will still love each other.  Because then, each other is all you will have."  I always hated it when she said that, but now I find myself saying the same thing to them.

 Most of the day, Caroline had been out playing with a couple of friends, and Jack was inside on his Xbox.  But as soon as he got off the video games, and she came inside they were at each other.  He was pestering her about something, she was quick to be annoyed and lash out.  Her arguments are valid: He barges in to her room without knocking, he harps on her about what instrument she'll play in Jr. high, he is always picking food off of her plate because he's a "teenage vacuum".  His arguments are all the same: she barges into his room, she pesters him, she's quick to jump all over him for the littlest things, and she never shares her food.  We ended up taking two cars to my in-laws for a birthday celebration mainly because the kids were getting to each other.  Caroline still needed to brush her hair and teeth before we left, and Jack was antsy to get going.  After the get together, we decided it was too late to cook, so we had a late dinner at a really great restaurant.   Everything went well, until Jack, having inhaled his food, began pestering Caroline for some of her sweet potato fries.  Caroline went from "All is right in the world" to "OMG you're such a pig, and everything you do BOTHERS ME!".  In trying to mediate, badly I might add, Jack seemed to make the situation worse.  Until he suggested that they walk home from the restaurant and "talk".  The restaurant isn't that far from our house, so I thought, "Why not?"  I suggested it was a good idea, and even compromised.  I told them that I would let them walk, but not all the way because it was night time after all.  I would park my car on a street that I felt was a good distance away, but I could keep my eye on them.  They agreed, and off they went (with some parameters about the conversation they needed to have and the items they needed to have agreed upon once they got in the car).

They quickly got to where I was parked and Caroline tapped on my window instead of getting in the car.  When I rolled down the window, this is what they told me, "We walked faster than we thought, and haven't had the whole conversation yet.  We've only gotten to what makes us mad.  Now we need to talk about boundaries.  Can we walk a little bit further?" Um, yeah sure.  They ended up walking almost the entire way home, but when they got into the car they both felt like they'd come to an agreement.  Jack basically summed it up as this: "Mom, I'm going to try.  Because when my four years are up and I go off to college, I don't want to be driving off and have Caroline say, "Boy, I'm glad he's gone!"  Well, okay then.

I guess this was a better way to hash it out than have a wrestling match.  Now, we'll see how long it lasts.  We might just have to have more of these moments when the situation arrives, and this solution makes sense.