One day they'll be proud...I think.

This year has posed some interesting challenges for me, both personally and professionally.  I think I've done an excellent job in balancing the demands of work and home, and trying to keep my children from falling into a deep depression due to their dad's death.  I've had to navigate life as a single parent (which I understand is nothing new to some people), and that's hard.  I've had times when I just wanted to go away from everything that's been going on.  After all, isn't losing your spouse whom you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with and was your soul mate horrible enough?  On top of that what about your kids?  They've barely begun their lives and now they'll have to do that without their father.  Some might think, "Well, you knew Jason wasn't going to live as long as the average person because of chemotherapy and other drug cocktails."  And my answer is, "Yes I know, but I didn't expect to lose him at 38!  He was even hoping for late 40's."  On top of that work has been difficult these last few months. 

I've tried to hide it from my children, but it's hard.  They know something is going on, but they aren't quite sure what.  All they know is that mommy's work is really hard right now.  They're too young to know what is truly going on, but someday I hope they'll look back and be proud of what I've done and am doing. 

There's more to why I hope that one day they'll be proud.  But it'll have to wait until everything is over.