TAKS week

Dear HM,

Thanks for being with me this week as I navigated the waters of being a teacher AND a mom during TAKS. I know it was you who gave me the calm when attempting to calm the fears of the biggest worrier on the planet (now that you're gone). I wasn't worried about the teacher part of TAKS week. My job is easy, just actively monitor the kids and let them show Austin what they know. All of the rules and threats of TEA are just all part of the job and after 16 years of teaching are second nature now. It's the part of parent that brought me some consternation this week. Knowing how much Jack struggled with math and his self-confidence in general brought me anxiety like you wouldn't know (but I bet you do).

I've compiled a list of "signs" that you've given me to let me know that you are indeed with us still:

* in talking with Jack I thought about what you would have told him about TAKS. Here's what I came up with, "It's just another test. It's not going to determine if you're a lawyer or a street sweeper. Just do your best and your dad and I will always be proud of you.

* the beautiful orange iris your mom and Aunt Nan found. I have never seen anything quite so beautiful and neither had they. The fact that it was orange was sign enough for me.

* the mockingbird that sings only when I get up and stops when we leave the house in the morning.

* Jack knowing that the birthstone for May was the Emerald only seconds after asking me what it was and honestly not knowing it. Only you could have whispered that to him.

* The fact that Dana and I could arrange the furniture in the den without anyone else's help (although I think you were whispering to her). Considering the two of us are challenged in that area screams that you were there. Plus, Aunt Nan only made a few minor changes which with all things considered says a TON.


The list isn't much, but it's only starting.

In other news you might like to know, Maggie is becoming Jack's Dolly. He made the comment that he wished she could sleep in his room. So Dana and I put her dog bed in his room last night. She slept there the rest of the night. He didn't mind his door being open. I give it a few months before he sleeps with the lights out.

Jack says you're the force now--always with him. You're kind of like Darth Vader but good. Did they play the Imperial march when you got to Heaven? Would have been funny if they had.

I love you more than you will ever know. That's another thing. I can't refer to you in the past tense, hope you don't mind.

Love,

SM