Yearly update

Dear HM,

Wow.  It's the 5th anniversary today, has it really been that long?  There are so many things I still talk to you about, but it sometimes seems like a one sided conversation.  Thanks for sending the cardinal family to our house.  Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal come by every morning and evening and sit at the bird feeders outside the breakfast area.  Caroline and I will sit and watch them and think of you.

* Caroline is doing better, but struggles with her creative streak.  She and your mom have started through the rough stages of pre-teenness, and Caroline's desire to pick outfits herself.  I swear, she's walked out of this house and I've questioned some choices.  But it hasn't been anything you'd shake your head at.  You'd simply say, "She's spreading her wings, finding herself."  I'd simply think about what I wore at that age, and thank the Lord above my mom never took pictures for proof.  Then, I shut my mouth and not say anything.  There have been many times I've looked at her and said, "If you're going to wear that, you've got to OWN it.  Don't let any body make you feel inferior because of your style."  Sometimes, I think I hear you saying, "Amen sister!" :)  She's an amazing artist, and just got finished with a piece that was displayed at the Richardson Library.  She still likes to draw, but has moved on to nail art, mosaics, and painting.  She's started focusing on the good memories, and not the bad ones.  Last night my sister sent her a text and told her to have a good day today,  she knew that it was going to be difficult.  But she was sending hugs her way.  Caroline came in and asked, "What is going to be hard about tomorrow?"  I simply responded that it was Tuesday, and not Friday.  I hope that's okay.  Sometimes I just don't know.

She's getting so tall, and beautiful.  She smiles and it reminds me of you.  I always tell people who see how tall the kids are getting for their age, that they get it from you. She's got your quick wit, and her empathy for others (human or animal).  Caroline continues to amaze me with her maturity.  She sounds so grown up, until I talk with her on the phone, and then she sounds like the kid she is.   I know you're proud of her.

*Jack is another perfect mix of us.  He's getting your height and maturing.  He has his moments of teenager-tude, but for the most part he's a good kid.  He's definitely maturing as an athlete.  He's played all of the sports in junior high except basketball.  He's trying out for soccer again, and worrying (what's new) as to whether or not he'll make it.  I haven't had to sit on him as much as I used to.  Remember the battles of homework?  Good lord, I thought he wouldn't make it out of the kitchen alive on some nights!  But now, he's good about it.  He even keeps up with his grades, knowing where his average sits, and what he needs to tell me about when we check it.  He's working through his own struggles at school, but will sometimes talk to me about it.  Kevin has taken up the torch on that one.  Jack is beginning to talk to him about things.  Thank goodness, but some of the questions were tough for me, as a girl, to answer.  He's discovered that your approach to girls when you were younger is the way to go.  He's learned that right now, it's better to just be their friend, and not boyfriend.  He works hard to juggle school and sports, adding in a girl just makes it harder.  So, he's simplified by just focusing on school and sports.  Much to my relief!  He thinks about college and his concern about being able to go.  I keep telling him that we'll figure it out, not to worry (but he does anyway).  He's talking about SFA again.  I laid off taking him to Homecoming the last few years, mainly because it brought back memories of you.  He's getting comfortable with the memories again, so the conversation has opened about that as a possibility for college.  He still wants to be a history professor, but is also thinking about teaching (I'll keep you posted).  I just need to get him through Berkner, and then we will think about it.

All in all, they're becoming well-rounded individuals.  They've matured and come to an understanding about their roles with each other (much like you and Dana).  They've established boundaries, and adhere to them for the most part.  Periodically, Jack will pick on her just to see what she'll do; but she's maturing in how she deals with him.  He's beginning to look at her for the treasure she is, someone who'll have his back (you should have heard what she said about the last girlfriend, or the boys who tried to intimidate him on the discus field).  In return, she sees how beneficial having a taller and stronger bigger brother in her corner is an advantage.  She exploits that, much like she did when she had a very tall, strong daddy in her corner. Heehee.  I'm still struggling to get them back to church.  They're navigating their feelings about you being called home early, but we are making progress.

Kevin is here full time now.  This has helped all of us regain some of the footing we lost when you left.  He is very patient with both kids, but expects all of the same things you did.  Most of all, he is patient with me.  It's funny to watch his reactions when I talk about school.  He really is amazed at all of the stuff we deal with on a daily basis.  It was really good to have him here at the beginning of the year.  It was comforting to know that you and he had my back.  I often thought about what you would do in the situation, and try to do it.  Kevin was here for the moral support when I came home in tears because of the frustration of the situation.  I use you as a measuring stick in education.  You were such an awesome leader, and supporter of your teachers.  That's what I try to think about when I'm faced with something at work.  I truly believe you sent him to us, I'm sure that was difficult, but thanks.

That's pretty much it for us.  Five down, who knows how many more before I see you again.  But I will.  You'll have to look past the gray and wrinkles, but I'll still be SM.