You are supported and loved, no matter what

This summer, the kids have learned some very valuable lessons.  So have I, but it's been more a retrospect kinda thing for me.  I had to really stop and look hard at my parenting choices and decisions in the past to understand what is going on right now.  Trust me, that's the hardest thing in the world to do as a person, but something I think is very important for everyone. 

Lesson #1 - for me (and for the kids to see through example), before you blame others for a wrong take an honest look at yourself first.  For a few years I've always wondered why the kids always behave for someone else and not for me.  But in looking at the past five years, I can see where the hiccup happened.  Jason was diagnosed in 2006.  Jack was five and Caroline was 2.  Over the course of four years, family often time spent more time with the kids than Jason or myself (either because Jason was hospitalized or I was splitting my time between work, home and hospital).  Someone else was around when the kids got out of line and then disciplined them.  I on the other hand was only around periodically and even then if they got out of line, a family member was present to discipline.  So the kids didn't really see me as someone to respect (or even fear a little bit).  I was more of the friend, that showed up periodically.  When Jason died in 2012, family was present again to discipline as I grieved and tried to figure out where to go from there.  As a result, now, I'm forced to begin the process of disciplining the children myself and having them respect me (and fear me a little bit :) ).  It has helped to have Kevin around to help with that.  When we were in Austin, the kids really got pissy with each other and then drove me almost to Bedlam.  When he got home and talked to the kids about respecting me and the things that go with it he talked about how Jason wouldn't have tolerated that (he said that from all of the stories he'd heard, Jason wouldn't have accepted their behavior and would've done something about it).  Jack said in retaliation: "why do you have to be so much like him!"  Kevin's response: because you're dad was a good guy and so am I.  But knowing that that's where the problem lies -that I haven't had to be the disciplinarian for a majority of their lives- has helped me better handle the situations and not feel bad because I'm doing something that I should've done 6 years ago.

Lesson #2 - Caroline's lesson - There is no such thing as "barely hitting" your brother.  Jack is feeling better since his tonsil surgery and has been needling his sister unmercilessly lately.  She has resorted to "barely hitting" him to get something he took back.  I've disciplined her and taken things away from her, but the behavior keeps happening.  So today when she "barely hit" Jack because he took her 3D glasses, I turned around while parked and slapped her notebook that she had in her lap.  She started crying and said, "Why did you just hit me?!"  I responded that I didn't "technically hit her" because I hit the notebook instead.  She was beside herself.  "But the notebook hit me and it hurt!"  But didn't hit you technically, was my response.  Both kids learned that it doesn't matter if you "barely hit" someone.  You shouldn't do it.

Lesson #3 - Jack --When you think your life isn't fair and no one cares...think again.  Latest example: Spooky.  If you've kept up with this blog, you'll know about Spooky.  It's a Beannie Buddy that he's had since he was 10 months old.  Well, we finally lost him.  Actually Jack left him in Austin at the Lost Pines Resort.  Now, he didn't realize he left him until a week and a half later, but when he realized it it was traumatic.  We looked everywhere at the house and Kevin even looked all over his apartment before we realized that Spooky was gone.  Upon learning of the loss Aunt Kirsten got on eBay and found three more which she ordered.  I was going to get on eBay the next day and order a new one, but she beat me to it.  Jack was humbled that we would do that.

Lesson #4 - As your mother, I reserve the right to bring up any past even that will serve my purpose in reminding you why you can't do something or why you can't have something.

Lesson #5 - The kids - The family might not like the choices you make, but they'll still love you and want you to be okay.  Pa sat at the Surgical Center while Jack had his tonsils out.  He met us at the center when we got there first thing, went back with us while they prepped Jack, and stayed until Jack was in recovery and talking.